My Top 20 Songs of 2011 #2: Lana Del Rey – ‘Video Games’

Isn’t Lana Del Rey enigmatic and isn’t that song ‘Video Games’ like a David Lynch film set to music and isn’t it heartbreaking?

Gather round people, it’s time for the shocking truth… it’s actually about A VERY LAZY SHEEP FARMER.

It’s ewe, it’s ewe, it’s all for ewe”: the most misconstrued lyric of the year.

Lana’s in love with a rubbish farmer. Whilst she’s singing her heart out, he’s sat around playing Farmville and not looking after his flock of entirely female sheep.

Tell me all the things ewe want to do”, she asks, but HE WON’T TELL HER. He’s too drunk and she doesn’t know the first thing about sheep. She tries to convince him to get out into the fields, telling him all the time that “heaven is a place on earth with ewe”, yet WILL HE LISTEN? No. He just carries on going to bars, sitting in cars, playing “wild darts” (for the uninitiated, that’s darts without a darts-board. IT’S FLIPPING MENTAL) and watching Lana get undressed.

I KNOW WHERE I’D RATHER BE, “LANA”.

Ok, so this doesn’t actually make any sense, since it ignores all the other bits about being in love with a drunken wreck, living in the seedy underbelly of Hollywood.

I may be getting a little bit of list-ennui, so here’s some actual stuff about Lana Del Rey and her absolutely out-of-this-world and pretty much perfect song:

  1. Lana Del Rey’s not her real name *GAH*.
  2. She’s actually called Lizzy Grant *YAD-ZOOKS!*.
  3. Those aren’t her natural lips *CRIMINY*.
  4. She may be the jazz-singing daughter of a record executive *SHOCK!*.
  5. She might not have even written the song *HORROR!*.

IMAGINE NOT USING YOUR REAL NAME AND MAKING UP A BACK-STORY.

I’m disgusted.

Next you’ll be telling me that Bob Dylan’s not his real name, Tom Waits isn’t really a hobo, David Bowie’s not a bisexual alien, David Attenborough’s cameramen didn’t risk killing polar bear cubs by filming them in their den and Michael Buble’s fans aren’t just the imaginations of a very sick mind.

What that’s you say?

Oh for Fu-

*hangs self*

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