Inane Thoughts: Diary of a Frustrated Writer

Alright blog readers. I feel bad that I have not offered anything since my vaguely political blog a week ago. I’m sure you are all devastated.

I did promise a re-visiting of Daft Punk’s ‘Discovery’, but I currently cannot find my copy of that album and although I will not let this put me off my reviewing task, it is making things more difficult. This is the sort of problem that Des’ree would shrug off with an insouciant “oh, life”, but makes me want to scream, kick things and shout: “life, you massive twat”. I’d imagine this exact same train of thought went through Camus’ mind, just before he set about writing ‘The Outsider’, well, except for the part involving Des’ree.

Unfortunately for Albert Camus, he was killed in a car accident before he had the chance to hear any of Des’ree’s seminal mid-90s offerings from the “bland fluff” genre (see also The Lighthouse Family, Charles & Eddie and M People). I’m sure he would have enjoyed her elegant wordplay: “I’m afraid of the dark/Especially when I’m in a park”; or “I don’t want to see a ghost/It’s the sight I fear most/I’d rather have a piece of toast.” Personally, I find the thought of things that are real rather scarier than the thought of things for which there is, at best, circumstantial evidence. However, I am generally in agreement with Des’ree in that a piece of toast would be preferable to seeing a ghost (although personally I’d push the boat out for a full slice of toast, not just a piece). I wonder if our reasons are similar though. I would prefer the toast because if I saw a ghost I would presume that I was going – or had gone – mad. I think Des’ree is just really scared of ghosts, though I would speculate (perhaps cruelly) that toast was only shoehorned into the matter due to Des’ree’s rigid adherence to a consonance-based rhyme scheme.

In a poll by BBC’s 6Music, Des’ree’s “ghost/toast” line was voted the worst lyric of all time. I think is a little harsh, given that the Black Eyed Peas have “written” a song called ‘My Humps’ (possibly the shittest thing by anyone, ever), in which the half-woman/half-leopard one likens her breasts to a part of a camel’s anatomy and goes on to call them her “lovely lady lumps” (perhaps not the best simile, given that the word ‘lump’ doesn’t exactly have the most positive connatations when it comes to breasts). Des’ree’s lyrics may read like the bizarre drivelling of a backward child, but at least they are not actively offensive; dressing up misogynistic leering as female empowerment. It also includes the inimitable will.i.am (known to his mother as William) making references to meeting “girls” at “discos”, which is odd behaviour for a man in his 30s, who if he is going to meet people he’d like to date, should probably stick to “women” at “clubs. The wazzock.

Anyway, as I say, once I get my mits on a copy of Discovery, then a review shall follow soon. Unless anyone wants more reviews of Black Eyed Peas and Des’ree?!

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One Response to “Inane Thoughts: Diary of a Frustrated Writer”

  1. Not Robin, someone else with better music-taste credentials Says:

    I quite liked ‘Would I Lie to You?’ by Charles and Eddie, while being quite opposed to the other “bland fluff” bands. I’d put them with McAlmont and Butler.

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